At Mischa Communications, we’re awesome at telling you what to do. Sometimes we even come off as a bit bossy — but that’s just because we’re so passionate about showing you the right way to market!
This blog post, however, isn’t about the right way to market. It’s about the wrong way. The way that leads you down the road to ruin. The way that loses you fans and followers. The terrible, awful, no good, very bad way.
Read this list. Commit it to memory. Print it out and post it on your office wall. And then do the exact opposite of everything suggested here.
Cast a Wide Net
Determining your target market can be so time-consuming! You have to pay attention to demographics, do all that pesky market research, find and evaluate your competition and keep up with a whole laundry list of ever-changing data and trends. Who has the time?
Instead, market to everyone everywhere. Cast your net as wide as possible. Paper your town with flyers and paste an ad on every billboard from here to Timbuktu. The more people you reach, the more chances you have at making a sale!*
Send Frequent Emails
Everyone loves emails. Back in the AOL days, that not-at-all-annoying “You’ve got mail” alert practically had us breaking our necks rushing to see who sent what. Plus, you know what they say about quantity over quality.
Don’t give your valued customers a single minute to miss you. Send out three or four emails a day. And because you know what’s best for your customers, you should absolutely make the opt out button as difficult to find as possible, so they won’t accidentally unsubscribe and lose out on the valuable information you’re sending every two hours.**
Stick With the Social Media Basics
Your customers expect you to have a Facebook, Twitter and LinkedIn page, but everyone knows that your website is the main point of contact. Focus on that instead of your social media channels and you’ll free up some serious time.
And all those advanced social media techniques you hear about to get more engagement? Ignore them. They’re tricky and unproven. If you have something to share ten times a day on Facebook one week and then don’t update for a month or so, it’s totally fine. Just log in to check messages every once in a while. No one needs to spend money on a social media manager — it’s an easy job you can handle in your free time.***
Don’t Waste Time on SEO for Your Blog
Search engine optimization is dead, and has been for quite some time. Google makes the rules now, and no one has the slightest clue what they are, so if you have a brilliant idea for a blog post, just go for it. Don’t waste your time researching keywords that really won’t matter in the grand scheme of things — it’s your blog, and you can do what you want with it!
Out of ideas? Just throw in some filler content. Chances are, your audience won’t notice, and it’s important to keep your blog updated regularly, even if you don’t have much to say.****
Need Help? Go with the Cheapest Option
Your small business exists to make money, not spend it. If you absolutely must get outside marketing help, don’t break the bank — a mediocre marketing firm is better than none at all.
Sure, their website might have a few misspellings … and there’s a typo in their logo … and they don’t seem to have gotten the memo about the invent of the comma – but that’s no reason not to give the cheapest bidder a chance. They might surprise you, and besides, the good ones are just too hard to come by.*****
Clear on What NOT to Do? Let Mischa Communications Help You Get it Right!
Exactly none of the preceding “tips” are going to help your small business, but unfortunately, we’ve seen far too many people who believe this sort of nonsense is what marketing is really about. (Unsurprisingly, most of them aren’t still in business.)
Let Mischa Communications set the record straight. Get in touch today and we’ll sit down with you to develop a marketing strategy that actually works!
* Don’t do this.
** Or this.
*** Definitely don’t do this.
***** OK … we really don’t need to put a disclaimer on this one, do we?